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Can you teach submission?

One of the reasons I love twitter is the ability to have conversation with people around the world and get inspired by what others are experiencing and talking about. So when Domina Dynasty posed this question on twitter, I was intrigued… Can you teach someone to be submissive? It’s a really interesting question and like…

Living in a Post 50 Shades World

In 2011, three unassuming fan fiction books were published, and before long the world had collectively lost its mind.   By 2012, over 20 million copies of the books had been sold and the mainstream world was suddenly aware of kink in a brand new way.  BDSM was being discussed and debated on every morning…

6 Steps to a More Fulfilling Sex Life

These ideas are meant to be simple(ish) and free (of financial need). But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy or that it isn’t going to take any investment. It will be an investment of time, and you may find that doing the simplest thing may be more difficult that you first imagined. But…

On experts, professionals and players…

Reverend Danny Smite posted this open letter today in response to an interview with professional Humiliatrix Ceara Lynch on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast. Here are my thoughts…. Not everyone who does kink professionally feels connected to the activities on a personal level and that’s ok. I don’t think Ceara has ever identified herself as…

Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation – Available for sale!

Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation is ready and available for sale! I am so proud of this book and I hope you enjoy it. Inside it you’ll find: The difference between embarrassment, humiliation & degradation Why kinksters enjoy consensual psychological torment Tips for communicating your desires for both dominants & submissives The…

It’s almost ready! – a book about Erotic Humiliation

Writing a book is a really involved project. The seedling of an idea gets planted and then years may go by as you think, collect notes and brainstorm ideas to share. In my case, nearly 10 years have gone by as I’ve presented this topic dozens of times at different kink events across the country.…

A few kinky shopping tips!

Q: I’m just starting to explore my kinks & fetishes, what should I purchase before I really know what I like? A: Start with the ‘vanilla’ items that resemble kink items such as a wooden spoon for a paddle, scarves or neckties for bondage (be sure to keep safety scissors handy to cut them off…

5 Tips For New Submissives

If you’re starting to explore your submissive side or starting to experiment with dominance & submission in the bedroom, then there are few things that are important to keep in mind. Regardless of what any erotica or fantasy books & movies might show, there is no “one” right way to be submissive. But there are…

Bawdy Storytelling – The Defiant Balloons

I tell stories a lot. Some of my friends lovingly call it “The Kali Show” (well, at least they mostly say it lovingly!) When I meet new people, or am hanging out with friends or am teaching classes…there’s always a story to tell. I like my stories to entertain and inform and since my life…

The progression of a professional pervert….

I’ve always been rather sexually adventurous, so when many people ask me out I got into this profession I explain that it was a rather simple stepping stone process. I remember when I first started stripping and I found it to be empowering rather than degrading. My self-confidence grew, my assertiveness grew stronger and I…

Teaching Kink is like a Soulgasm

Teaching kink is totally my high. When I get up in front of a class to present my thoughts and experiences with perversion, I get in a totally euphoric state. After teaching for so many years I’ve thought a lot about why that is, and why it is so thoroughly awesome. Growing up, it was…

What is the difference between a fetish and a fantasy?

The term “fetish” is used pretty loosely these days to mean anything that really really turns someone on. But there is an official definition, and here it is… From Wikipedia.com “Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation” So when the term…

Struggling With Submission As A Woman

In my experience there can be a great deal of guilt on both sides of the D/s dynamic, regardless of gender. So I’m going to do a series of articles about some of the struggles and solutions from each perspective. I presented one of my favorite ‘conceptual’ classes at Ramabo College, D/s as a Feminist…

Sexy Consent

Sexual Consent is a hot topic these days & rightfully so. You can give & receive consent in sexy ways, keeping boundaries clear * and* keeping the sexy mood going. The most important thing is recognizing how important clear, informed consent is as a vital part of healthy sexual experiences. Making sure everyone is comfortable…

5 Things To Remember As A New Dominant

Everyone has to start somewhere. Even if we have a naturally dominant nature, putting that to use in a D/s context can have its challenges. There are a lot of novels & fantasy stories about how ‘easily’ it all comes when someone is a “true dominant”, but this isn’t any more accurate than saying how…

Sexy Restraints!

Restraints are part of a wide range of fantasies. There are a handful of reasons why restraints are so popular, one of the most frequent reasons is the release of control. Letting go of control can lead to powerful connections and powerful orgasms (even better when those are happening at the same time!). For women,…

A Lull in the Libido

It’s natural in any long term relationship to find lulls in your libidos. There are a lot of possible factors: to busy, to tired, focus on work, stress at home, body image issues and sometimes our libidos go into hibernation for no discernible reason. Of course this is only a problem, well, if it’s a…

Getting Bare!

I was super excited to participate in Bare! True Stories of Sex, Desire and Romance this week as my last appearance in Boston before moving West (I’ll be back in Boston soon enough to visit!) I had a great time telling stories (I always do :) and though we didn’t catch it in the video,…

Kinky Polyamory

A while back I did an interview with Cunning Minx for her podcast Poly Weekly and we talked about being poly AND kinky. I shared my experience of having multiple submissives for many years and that even though we didn’t have a traditionally “sexual” relationship I still identified (and still do) as poly because the…

Domination Styles

Ok, so you’ve determined that you’re dominant (or perhaps a switch with a strong dominant side), now what? If you emulate porn, it’s likely you won’t keep play partners very long, since porn is based on fantasy (and making it look easy) but reality isn’t always so smooth. One of the first things you can…

Thank you so much for a wonderful fun and informative class. I enjoyed how animated, creative, and engaged you were and appreciated that you offered [the class] a chance to ask questions and share experiences. I will be on the look out for more of your classes in the future!

Stormy

Thank you for a great class last night. I identify as a submissive and found the insights into the Dominants views very helpful. I feel I walked away with new tools to help with better communication and understanding in my relationships.

Ms Mode

Thank you for your class at IMsL, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'd never been to a Humiliation/Degradation class before, so I really learned a lot. The most interesting part was learning about different levels/intensities of play in the spectrum, and all the options that were available.

Cricket

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