When you hear the words “financial domination,” what comes to mind? Likely, it’s the stereotypical, humiliation-focused variety, in which a dominant looks down their nose at the sub, demeaning and degrading them as a loser who’s good for nothing but coughing up the cash—no more than a walking wallet or a human ATM.

For some doms and subs, this kind of financial play hits the spot. But for many others, the degradation aspect is a huge turnoff. After all, we don’t all enjoy being (consensually) terrible to the people we play with. (I mean, I quite enjoy it, myself, but hey, that’s just me.) If this sounds familiar to you—if you’re hypothetically interested in financial domination but don’t love the images it conjures, then I’ve got good news for you:

Conventional financial domination isn’t the only way to play!

I teach a whole weekend intensive on ethical financial domination—on how to tailor this play to your (and your subs’) specific desires and kernel kinks. I love showing people the wide, wide range of ways to have fun with this particular kink (including humiliation and degradation), and I wanted to give you a brief introduction here so that you, too, can start experimenting with a form of money kink that aligns with your personal domination style.

Start With the Kernel Kink

If you’ve spent any amount of time with my content, you know I’m a big proponent of starting any kind of kinky play with an exploration of your kernel kink—that is, the specific feeling you and your partners are trying to achieve through play. Once you have that pinned down, it’s much easier to pick out the activities (and toys, props, clothing and language) that will get you where you want to go.

The same goes with financial domination. This kind of play can speak to a variety of kernel kinks, so as you start to consider alternatives to the classic, humiliation-focused approach, it can be helpful to understand the various core desires subs are likely bringing to the table around money kink. In my extensive (and, for my consenting subs, expensive!) experience, there are three primary reasons subs find financial domination attractive:

• The money itself: For some submissives, the money itself is the turn-on. The very act of handing over their cash or their credit card to a dom is what gets them going.
• Loss of power and control: Others get off on the feeling of handing over control control to someone else, and the money is the tool for that loss of power—the means to the end.
• Showing affection: Have you heard of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages? Well, for some subs (maybe those whose primary love language is giving and receiving gifts), giving a dom their money is a love language. Their kernel kink has to do with showing adoration and affection, and they can do that through money.

Find Your Financial Domination Style

Your mileage may vary, but it’s more likely than not that any given submissive who’s interested in financial domination will have a kernel kink related to one of those three ideas. And that’s great news for you, because it means you can take that kernel kink and use it to fashion a findom relationship that satisfies you both.

Again, the sky’s the limit (along with your mutual consent), but in my experience, financial domination can be broken down into four primary styles, one of which is likely to be appealing to any of the kernel kinks we’ve discussed. Let’s take a look:

Humiliation FinDom

This is the one we talked about upfront, so I won’t spend too much time on it here, but the classic humiliation style of financial domination is all about degrading the sub, telling and showing them that they’re only good for giving you money. This is the kind of play where you might call your sub your human ATM, your pay piggy, or your money slave. And for some folks, it’s all kinds of fun. For others, not so much, and that’s okay.

Nurturing FinDom

“Nurturing financial domination” may sound like an oxymoron, but it can be a really fun way to play, especially for those who enjoy the power and control dynamics. In nurturing financial domination, the dom takes on the role of a benevolent authority figure—a daddy (or mommy) or a teacher or whatever specific authority floats your boat. In this role, you might set financial goals for your sub, you might limit their spending in certain areas of their life and focus it on others (your own desires, for example). You can almost think of this as “forced” financial planning—eroticizing something your sub has to do anyway and exploiting that for both your benefits. 

Praise-Kink FinDom

This money kink style is perfect for players who want to use money as something of a love language. And it’s also one of my favorite ways to play. In this style of financial domination, the submissive lavishes the dom with gifts and money (and whatever the dom wants), and the dom, in turn, expresses unbridled excitement over every exchange. “Oh, I can’t tell you how much I love these Christian Louboutins you bought me!” or “I just get so excited every time you hand me a wad of cash.” 

(Don’t worry—this isn’t about over-developed gratitude or about implying that your sub is the only reason you can have such fabulous things. Instead, it’s about joyfully, greedily, or sensually accepting and then exclaiming over every gift, and in my experience, it’s particularly attractive to heterosexual male subs who’ve been trained by society to woo women with money.)

Philosophical FinDom

This last style of play comes from the cultural teaching (particularly American and particularly aimed at men) that a person’s value is directly tied to their ability to provide for someone else. In philosophical financial domination, it is the submissive’s duty to work and toil to provide for the dominant. The sub here is a workhorse, and while there’s an element of adoration, the primary expression is of servitude and sacrifice.

The beauty of financial domination, just like any kink, is that there’s never just one way to play. It can always be tailored to the players’ individual interests and desires.

Do you find any of these approaches to money kink titillating? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

If you’re interested in learning more about how to make findom your own—and how to do it ethically, consensually, and in a way that’s fun for everyone involved—I’d love to show you. Apply for my upcoming two-day FinDom Philosophy: Virtual Intensive, which will take place on July 27-28, 2024. This fully immersive workshop empowers attendees to transform their personal approaches with personalized insight, an environment of encouragement and support, and an opportunity to develop an authentic, creative, ethical approach to exploring financial fetish with clients and submissives.