Why I Changed the Name of My FinDom Intensive
I have been leading a 2-day virtual intensive class on financial domination for the past four years, teaching about it for nearly a decade, and I’ve been playing with financial domination for more than twenty years. In all this time, I am continually struck by how many people—including kinksters!—think of findom as inherently abusive.
The reality is that, just like any other D/s dynamic, financial domination can be done in a way that is abusive, or it can be done in a way that is consensual, healthy, and a positive experience for everyone involved.
That is exactly what I hoped to convey when I initially named my findom intensive “Ethical Financial Domination.” It was my way of saying, “Hey, findom isn’t always about ruining people’s lives! There’s another way!” However, many people misunderstand the concept of ethical findom.
What people think “ethical” findom means
Again and again I have seen people, particularly findoms, mistakenly believe that “ethical” findom means coddling finsubs. The thought is that being “ethical” means that findoms are required to avoid high intensity play and take on more than their fair share of responsibility for finsubs’ financial wellbeing.
To be clear, this has never been a part of my personal approach to financial domination. It is possible for both the findom and the finsub to be empowered, even through highly intense play. Furthermore, if people want to engage in self-destructive behavior, they can do that. The reality of humanity is that sometimes people seek self destruction, and that is their right. That’s personal autonomy. And at the same time, best practices for kink—including findom—involve reducing the risk of harm.
What I actually mean by “ethical” findom
My standard for ethical findom is that players aim to avoid actively destroying another human being through their money kink play. This goes back to a fundamental tenet of kink: Do no (real) harm.
What differentiates kink from abuse is that, regardless of what it looks like on the surface, kinky play done correctly should not lead to permanent disfigurement. Whether that’s emotional, physical, or financial disfigurement doesn’t matter; the same concept applies. In kink, you can appear to be utterly destroying someone, but regardless of the kinds of emotions or physical sensations that are explored within the container of a scene (or even the container of a relationship), lasting destruction should not occur.
When I coined the phrase ethical financial domination, I was simply trying to show that there’s a way to explore this kink that isn’t rooted in abuse!
Choosing a new name
Seeing findoms online say things like, “I’m not an ethical findom, I’ll take your money and I won’t care” has made me realize that the message behind ethical findom is getting lost. In fact, my attempt to create another option has been seen as reinforcement of the myth of how findom “really” is—the stereotypical bratty humiliatrix who will drain your bank account and ruin your life.
While I could correct people’s misperceptions about the term “ethical findom” until the paypigs come home, I’d rather use a name that better conveys the more comprehensive way that I think and teach about findom.
Ethics are only one part of my approach to understanding financial domination. Equally important to my findom teachings are creativity and authenticity—two things that I have been teaching about and advocating for in kink for nearly two decades.
The way I teach about findom is a multifaceted philosophy that is based on helping people find their own style of findom. It is about developing your own understanding and your own beliefs that align with who you are and what you desire. That is why I chose the name FinDom Philosophy to encompass the many facets of my financial domination approach.
What is FinDom Philosophy?
FinDom Philosophy helps you create whatever energy, belief system, favorite activities, and vocabulary for findom play that fits you. It takes all of these pieces and helps you develop something that is designed for you and for your best match submissives.
As I wrote about in my book Authentic Kink, you have to find your own style in order to get the most out of any kink! You have to find an energy that fits who you are. So if who you are is a bratty humiliatrix, fantastic! But if you’re not a bratty humiliatrix, FinDom Philosophy is also about giving you multiple alternatives to create your own thoughtful, satisfying findom style that is true to you.
Kink is complex, and so are you. FinDom Philosophy encompasses the full breadth of exploration that can be done under the findom umbrella.
To learn how you can create financial domination play that is true to you, join my upcoming Intro to FinDom Philosophy virtual class on Wednesday, June 19, 2024, or register for the two-day FinDom Philosophy: Virtual Intensive on July 27-28, 2024.