The 4 C’s of a Successful Scene


Hey, people who are new to exploring kink and sexuality! An important thing to remember as you’re starting out is that the hottest experiences can take a little time to build. No one is going to be your perfect Dom or sub from the start.


Here are the 4 C’s of a successful scene:


It’s hard to fully achieve your goal feelings when you feel awkward or uncomfortable.



Confidence leads to authentically expressing yourself / wholeheartedly playing your role.



Feeling a strong connection with your partner contributes to comfort and intimacy.



People don’t know what you want unless you tell them!


These are the four things that create a successful intimate experience. This is true for all kinds of sexy and kinky interactions, whether it’s kissing, heavy petting, vanilla sex, early kink, or even advanced kink.

And these things don’t happen instantaneously! IMO, the expectation that incredible sexual or kinky experiences should happen effortlessly on the first try is one of the most damaging myths about sex/kink.


Myth: Amazing sex and kink experiences should happen effortlessly on the first try. Reality: Often, we need the 4 C's as the foundation for a truly magical experience. Developing the 4 C's takes time. Expecting it to happen instantaneously will lead to disappointment.


Occasionally, the stars align and you have a mind-blowing experience on the first try. And when that happens, it’s amazing! But more often, we have to have those *4 C’s* as the foundation for truly magical sexual experiences.

If you’re not 100% getting what you want from a play partner on the first try, I recommend giving yourself some space to explore and build those 4 C’s. The spectacular experiences that can happen are worth the effort!

(To be clear, I am not talking about times where you feel bad or seriously uncomfortable, as opposed to a bit awkward or just not-quite-there-yet. If something truly feels wrong for you, trust your gut!)