6 Steps to a More Fulfilling Sex Life

blindfold couple 1 smallThese ideas are meant to be simple(ish) and free (of financial need). But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy or that it isn’t going to take any investment. It will be an investment of time, and you may find that doing the simplest thing may be more difficult that you first imagined. But the rewards of your effort will be gratifying both physically and emotionally as you discover more pleasure than you may have thought you could experience.

  1. Evaluate Your Needs Honestly – It’s practically impossible to get what you want if you don’t even know what you want. So taking the time to really sit down with yourself (and/or your partner) and exploring what your desires and needs are will be the first step to finding more satisfaction and getting more pleasure out of your sexual life. Write out your needs, don’t just list them in your head. Seeing the words on paper makes them more real and more realistic to go after.
  1. Fine Tune Your Communication – You may already be able to talk about some of your sexual needs, or perhaps neither of you ever talk about it at all, but either way, whatever you’re doing now isn’t working for you. So rather than just telling you to communicate, I’m suggesting that you innovate the way you communicate. Find new and alternative ways to express your needs that will inspire deeper revelations about yourself. Use emails, or a notebook as a way to communicate without being face to face
  1. Stay Connected – Finding ways to stay connected sexually during life’s busy schedule is super important. Not just chatting about what you did that day, or complaining about some annoying co-worker, but connecting on a specifically sexual level. Inspiring sensuality in yourself and in your partner is one of the best ways to turn around a bad day or make a good day even better! Use physical touch, take a few minutes to make out in the middle of the day, or even squeeze in a quickie!
  1. Structure Adds Spontaneity – With the way that modern life is set up we are faced with a sad conundrum. Do we “schedule” our sex lives until it becomes just another task on our to-do lists? Or do we wait for “passion” to strike and discover that at 1am when you both fall into bed there just isn’t any more energy to make that sexual spark actually happen. I say that there is a happy medium that can set you up for successful sexual adventures both with respect to busy schedules and the needs for spontaneity. Commit to at least one night a week for a date night (or even once a month) or have a ‘Sexy Sunday’ to explore your dominant and submissive selves.
  1. Explore New Activities – We all have a list of long-time favorites, but it’s a good way to keep things fresh by finding other activities you might enjoy together. Take it one at a time so neither of you feels overwhelmed and you can each see exactly how you feel about the new activity before adding it to your repertoire. Perhaps you might incorporate more verbal play than usual, or during a bondage session give role-play a try.
  1. Commit to Improving Your Sexual Well-Being – Just like creating any new habit, you have to make the commitment to yourself (and your partner) to follow through on your sexual adventure. That you won’t get down on yourself when you aren’t a ‘perfect lover’ but that you continue to try your best every day. Know that with a healthy sexual identity, confidence and happiness in other aspects of your life will improve as well.

Sexy Consent

woman thumps up smallSexual Consent is a hot topic these days & rightfully so. You can give & receive consent in sexy ways, keeping boundaries clear * and* keeping the sexy mood going.

The most important thing is recognizing how important clear, informed consent is as a vital part of healthy sexual experiences. Making sure everyone is comfortable with what’s happening should be addressed whether it’s in a sexy way or not. But there *are* ways to ‘boundary check’ without interrupting the action.

1)      You can use pre-negotiation as foreplay. Getting to know what turns you partner on (and what would put the brakes on that arousal) will help you both get what you need out of the experience. This is especially true when you’re new lovers, but even long-time partners can do a ‘consent check-in’ every once in a while, tastes and boundaries do change and there needs to be an open conversation to share those changes.

2)      You can make it into a game while you’re in the middle of sexual exploration. As long as there isn’t a feeling of pressure behind the questions, then it can be as simple as “would you like me to…” or “would it feel good if I …” with responses like “yes I would like you to…” or “No, that wouldn’t feel good right now but I’d love it if you…” Keeping the tone sincerely light and playful gives you all room to answer honestly.

3)      For BDSM it can be especially helpful to communicate through writing establishing without a doubt what is consensual and what would be non-consensual. When there are complex activities having clearly drawn lines can prevent unintended consequences. Let me repeat though, it can HELP prevent bad experiences, but it doesn’t guarantee a good one. That’s why, even with written consent (by the way, dirty talk isn’t automatically consent, but that’s for another article) it’s important to find straightforward ways to communicate with your partner about consent in a light-hearted, easy going way.

Remember that consent is only valid when that person is coherent and aware of any risks. Inebriation of any form makes consent an even murkier pool, so error on the side of caution and respect boundaries & you’ll actually end up having way more sexy fun!


50 Ways to Get Started Having Kinky Sex

Here, I present to you a long list of ways to have kinkier sex. It is not by any stretch of the imagination the only ways, and some options may be obvious for some people but inspiring for others. All links go to KinkAcademy.com and PassionateU.com for video supplemental information. Just click through the waiver and you’ll be able to check out all the videos the membership based site has to offer. Some of the videos are more explicit than others, so viewers beware!

  1. Leave the lights on
  2. Learn about what kind of kinky fun you’re interested in
  3. Enjoy a nice dinner, a glass of wine perhaps and negotiate what you both want to experience
  4. Decide on a ‘safeword’ that either of you can use to put a halt on the kinky play if you need to.
  5. Read erotica while your partner rubs your feet. Take your time with your favorite sexy scenes
  6. Look directly into each others eyes as you ravish each other
  7. Push your partner up against a wall for a deep passionate kiss
  8. Use a blind-fold with your regular activities
  9. Use a blind-fold & explore other heightened senses
  10. “Give Up” control to your partner and be their ‘sex slave’ for the night
  11. “Take” control of your partner and use sexy, sensual and kinky commands to direct the action
  12. Hold your partners hands above their head firmly while you’re in the missionary position
  13. If you usually keep quiet during sex, then let those sounds out! Usually loud? Try keeping quiet.
  14. Grab your partner’s hair firmly at the nape of their neck and pull them into a passionate kiss.
  15. Explore a friendly sex toy shop online & pick out a fun sex toy, ben-wa balls are pretty popular!
  16. Use a silk tie to gently tie your partners hands to each other, so she can still move them around
  17. Use a silk tie to gently tie your partners’ hands to the bed, there’s no getting away now!
  18. Role-play a classic power dynamic: doctor/patient, boss/employee ,
  19. She can dress up in silk stockings and a black lace nighty. Don’t forget the high heels!
  20. Explore body parts other than the ‘expected’ sexual organs. Feet, hands, legs, necks are all just as yummy!
  21. A light spanking can be super-hot! Make sure you keep the sexy smacks on the fleshy part of their ass.
  22. Using the pads of your fingers, lightly squeeze your partners nipples until you hear a soft, sexy gasp
  23. Drip some ice cream on your partners stomach or drip some on your own, with a sensual tongue to clean up
  24. Buy a leather paddle to take the spanking up a notch, a little goes a long way with spanking!
  25. In safe public locations, have a make-out session. Know that people might be watching, but you just don’t care!
  26. Kiss your partner’s body all over, from head to toe. Make the kisses a special kind of sexual worship
  27. Buy a nice riding crop and have your partner use light slaps on all your naughty bits.
  28. Lie together naked in the dark & whisper your kinkiest fantasies into each other’s ears in between kisses
  29. Practice the ‘dirtiest’ words that turn you on and use them the next time you’re getting hot & heavy.
  30. Look around your house for items that you can use on each others bodies to explore new sensations.
  31. Have a tickle contest! Or gently tie your partner to the bed and tickle them until they beg for mercy
  32. Using a cock-ring will help him stay harder than usual & stay harder longer!
  33. Lie next to each other or facing each other and masturbate so you watch each other.
  34. When you’re out at dinner, she can take her panties off and subtly put them in his pocket.
  35. Try ‘sensory deprivation’ with a blindfold & a pair of ear-buds in your partners ears playing sexy music
  36. Enjoy a little oral loving…take your time to pleasure your partner luxuriously.
  37. Ready to take your bondage to the next level? Buy a pair of hand-cuffs & keep the key handy!
  38. A consensual ‘struggle’ means you try to ‘get away’ even though you want to get caught!
  39. Try an exhibitionist/voyeur scene – she can strip slowly out of lingerie while he watches
  40. Use a special sex-soy-candle to enjoy particularly ‘hot’ sex. Make sure you use the right kind of candle to avoid un-wanted burns!
  41. Now for a little cold play! He can softly ease ice cubes into her hot parts and lick until the ice cubes melt
  42. Go to a bar or restaurant and ‘pick up’ your partner, pretending to be strangers. Get a hotel room to help it feel more scandalous.
  43. High heels can be an excellent sexual accessory! She can leave them on while being taken from behind
  44. Try out different styles of dominance: cold & distant, sensual & teasing, tough & rough.
  45. Pick something that you’ll like to get ‘punished’ for (eye rolls anyone?!) and let your partner ‘teach you a lesson’
  46. A flogger is another classic kinky toy. Make sure you learn how to use it though, it’s only fun until someone puts out an eye!
  47. Digital photos can be another fun way to explore exhibitionism & voyeurism. Take as many as you want & keep them in a ‘secret’ folder, or for even more privacy, enjoy the photo shoot then hit that delete button!
  48. Using her hand, she can wrap her hand around his cock & balls to create a cock-ring, and gentle pressure usually feels really good for him.
  49. Nipple clips are another sexy, kinky addition to your bedroom play. But keep it light until you’re both comfortable with more intense sensations.
  50.  Try a new position! If you’re used to doing it in the missionary position mix it up, try doggie style, spooning, sitting on a chair, woman on top…the options are almost endless!