How I Discovered My Own Domme Aesthetic
When I got into the professional kink world nearly 25 years ago, the standard look was typically latex and leather. While there were some exceptions, like Mistress Precious in Texas, who dresses elegantly and wears a signature bow in her hair, and Mistress Ellen in San Diego, who favors a prim Victorian look, the majority of ProDommes stuck to this classic aesthetic.
Defining my style
But when I came on the scene, I didn’t want to do that. I explored all of the usual fetish wear and had a massive closet of corsets, thigh-high boots, and tight, shiny dresses. But I loved to wear sundresses! One of my favorite outfits was a big pink ballgown. And of course, I was never seen without a tiara.
At some point, I started wearing pajamas, both at conferences and in scenes. As a dominant, I decided that it was up to me to choose what clothing was kinky, and I chose to wear the clothing that made me feel kinky in it, not what was traditionally associated with kinkiness.
I find comfort deeply arousing. Wearing pajamas in a kink space gives my body room to move, which frees up my brain to focus on the creation of kink. It gives me brainspace to be creatively perverted in ways that suit my play, since I’m not distracted by a corset or high heels that hurt my ankles! Plus, the swishiness of pajamas or a cotton sundress around my body makes me feel physically sexy. I know that for a lot of people the restriction of traditional kinky wear is the point, but comfort is what does it for me. (Though I do love wearing latex and leather when I’m in a very particular mood and I want to create a very particular experience.)
How people reacted
Doing things my own way has helped me stand out. For instance, when all the other dommes were wearing latex and heels at kink conventions, I’d be wearing PJs and slippers, and my authentic dominant energy still shone through.
Discovering my own unique approach to dominance rather than feeling restricted by tradition allowed submissives who were a good match for me to find me. At first glance, my style and confidence were (and still are!) clear. It turns out people who fit me well have always been quick to recognize it and step forward with eagerness.
I have a deep love and attraction to the classic aesthetics of kink. I love seeing people in latex and leather. I love seeing the full kinky regalia. But for me, one of the best decisions I ever made in my career, as well in my own personal explorations of kink, was choosing an aesthetic that suited me personally. The decision to follow my comfort gave me room to discover the depth of my kinkiness.
Wearing my signature pajamas at DomCon 2022 with Shayla Lange and Lola Jean
Authenticity in aesthetics and style
Giving myself the creative freedom to follow my authenticity has allowed me to become the dominant I am, and not the dominant I think I “should” be. This has made my interest in kink sustainable and long-lasting.
In the last ten to fifteen years, it’s been incredible to watch the kink world (and the prodomme world as a part of that) continue to diversify in fashion style, dominant style, and in what kinky expression can look like.
Kinky aesthetics are a place to begin, and for some people it’s the spark that leads you into what your dominance looks, feels, and acts like. If your dominance is clad in latex or always wields a leather whip, then I love that! But if those things don’t resonate with you, finding authentic dominance in other aesthetics is powerful.
Join me for the Design Your Dominance: Virtual Intensive February 21-22, 2026.
Are you a femdom who wants to discover your authentic approach to dominance? I offer one-on-one kink coaching programs for lifestyle dominants and prodommes to help you become your Authentic Dominant Self.
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