Erotic Humiliation Isn’t For Everyone, and It Might Not Be For You
Exploring the depths of human sexuality can be both intriguing and uncomfortable—sometimes at the same time! In my book, Enough To Make You Blush, I push the boundaries of what is “supposed” to be sexy, and how people are “supposed” to behave in the bedroom.
For some, this exploration may feel thrilling and liberating. For others, it may bring up unexpected emotions or even past wounds. Both responses are valid.
If you’re considering learning about erotic humiliation, it’s worth checking in with yourself about whether you feel emotionally prepared. Also, make sure you have a basic understanding of what erotic humiliation involves before you try it for yourself. Just like with any kink, it’s important to know what you’re getting yourself into!
First Things First: What is Erotic Humiliation?
Erotic humiliation is a form of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism). It involves consensual psychological play where a person derives sexual pleasure from being humiliated or degraded within a safe and negotiated dynamic. This practice often serves as a pleasurable means of power exchange and—relatedly—intimacy between partners.
While some people find erotic humiliation exhilarating, others may find it uncomfortable—or even deeply triggering. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about it. Everyone’s relationship with power, vulnerability, and sexuality is different, and it's okay if this type of play isn’t for you.
Checking in With Yourself
If you’re thinking about reading Enough To Make You Blush, here are some questions that may be helpful to ask yourself:
- Why am I drawn to erotic humiliation?
- What do I hope to get out of exploring erotic humiliation?
- Do I have personal experiences that might make this feel overwhelming?
- How can I practice self-compassion, self-care, and self-trust throughout my kinky learning journey?
Some people find that exploring consensual humiliation helps them reclaim power over past experiences, process emotions in a controlled way, or simply enjoy a deeply fulfilling kink. Others may realize that this isn’t a topic they want to engage with right now—or ever.
Not everyone is prepared to engage with the complexities of erotic humiliation, and that's perfectly okay. We all have our own boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to sexual exploration, and there is no shame in choosing to abstain from certain experiences.
For some, erotic humiliation play—or even just the thought of it—can trigger past traumas or feelings of shame and inadequacy. I encourage my kink coaching clients, as well as anyone who’s curious about humiliation play, to prioritize self-awareness and emotional well-being when deciding whether to engage with such sensitive subject matter.
Consent, Care, and Emotional Safety
BDSM—especially when it involves psychological play—requires a strong foundation of communication, trust, and self-awareness. If you’re new to erotic humiliation or approaching this subject with some hesitation, know that you can engage with it at your own pace.
If you do feel triggered or upset, it’s okay to take a break or step away entirely. There are no obligations in sexual exploration, and honoring your boundaries is an act of self-care. If you need support, reaching out to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a kink-aware professional can help you process your feelings.
There’s No One Right Path to Exploration
Erotic humiliation isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay! You don’t need to push through discomfort to prove anything to yourself or others. If this type of play intrigues you, approach it with intention and compassion, both for yourself and for anyone you choose to play with. If it doesn’t resonate with you, there’s no shame in that either.
If you aren’t having a good time in your humiliation explorations, but you're still interested in humiliation play, it may be that you don’t like the particular way that the humiliation experience is happening. You may want to try a different style of humiliation play.
Contrary to popular belief, humiliation kink is not only cruel, demeaning, and dismissive! There are so many ways to use humiliation for kink. Here are 15 humiliation play ideas to get you started.
No matter where you are in your kinky journey, you deserve to have your boundaries respected. If you do decide that you want to explore erotic humiliation, Enough To Make You Blush is here as a learning tool. But remember, it's always okay to choose not to participate in certain conversations or experiences.