On experts, professionals and players…

Reverend Danny Smite posted this open letter today in response to an interview with professional Humiliatrix Ceara Lynch on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast. Here are my thoughts….

Not everyone who does kink professionally feels connected to the activities on a personal level and that’s ok. I don’t think Ceara has ever identified herself as a an expert (neither have I just as a note, the word “expert” comes with quite a lot of baggage!) but she is a professional. She provides a much appreciated service, acting as a focus for the fetish desires of men all over the world. She dishes up what they love to pay for. With her clients it’s a consensually transactional experience and that’s understood by everyone directly involved.

I’ve spent a little time with Ceara and have found her to be a lovely person, and very good at her job. Even without “understanding” it (by her own description) she’s obviously very, very talented at targeting in on acting out these desires. I’m sure for many of her clients the fact that she holds genuine disdain is experienced as a plus, though that’s certainly not a dynamic that works for everyone. She’s done quite a bit of mainstream media, which does tend to look for the sensationalist angle. Ceara has been in the ‘Humiliatrix’ business for many years, which is a storytelling goldmine. It certainly was for me. In a world of SEXSEXSEX, kink, especially certain ‘extreme’ fetishes (such as erotic humiliation) still hold the allure of being “out there” even with more acceptance for BDSM building in the mainstream world.

As for me, one of the reasons I retired from professional domination was because of a stronger desire to come at kink from an overtly educational perspective. But that’s not true for all ProDommes (or other fetish workers) and that is ok. I wholeheartedly agree with Danny that BDSM, and particularly erotic humiliation, is still very misunderstood. The stereotypes held by larger society can be dangerous for those that incorporate this kind of psychological play into their sexuality. I also believe that ‘kinky’ is a sexual orientation for many, while remaining simply a bedroom practice for others. Both should be a respected option for sexual expression.

Earlier this year a Guardian article proposed the idea that “50 Shades” is the “Stonewall” moment for BDSM and though I hesitate to compare a bad erotica novel to the passionate protests of Stonewall, I do think we’re at a turning point in mainstream awareness. For some kinksters this has spurred an even stronger desire for us to be understood and portrayed in a fair way, which is where I think Danny is coming from. I stand with him on that. And I appreciate his enthusiastic recommendation. Between 10 years as a professional dominatrix, 15 years as a lifestyle dominant, and spending the last year writing the first book on erotic humiliation, I’ve certainly spent plenty of time thinking about the why’s as well as the how’s and I’m passionate about sharing that knowledge.

To Chris Ryan, I’m a fan of Sex At Dawn and though I’m not familiar with Joe Rogan’s podcast, I’d be happy to chat with either of you from a more lifestyle experience of erotic humiliation, also known as art of the mind fuck! Like all kinds of fucking, there’s as many ways as there are people!

Speak Your Mind

*