“But you seem so nice!” they say, or “I couldn’t imagine you being that mean, you’re so happy.”
These statements always make me laugh, and gives me an opportunity to explain that there are many ways of doing this job, and that the most clichéd and often presented in the media isn’t the one that I subscribe to.
I enjoy the affection I feel for my clients and submissives. I don’t think that it makes me any less dominant, or professional. In fact, quite the opposite. The fact that I care so deeply about those that I play with is exactly what allows me to be so good at what I do. The emotions and sensations that are explored in domination sessions are incredibly intimate and intense. I want to create a space where the people I play with can feel free to let themselves go, and that requires trust. It’s hard to push real boundaries when there isn’t trust.
It’s hard to delve deeply into genuine submission when the person submitting doesn’t trust the person taking control.
It’s only on the surface that BDSM and kink activities may seem uncaring, or cruel. In nuanced hands, these physical and mental games take both players into themselves, and into the way they interact with the other.
Having concern for the others well being is a major factor in separating consensual behavior from abuse. I may be whipping my submissive into a frenzy, or engaging in extreme verbal embarrassment play, but that does NOT mean that I don’t care about the person being subjected to the experience.
One of my favorite things that people says about me when my work comes up, is that I seem like such a a “nice girl” and then they shakes their head in obvious confusion about why I have chosen this career and personal path. And my response is always the same. This is a way to be nice to certain people. To give them the opportunity to live their fantasies in a healthy and safe environment. To take “bad” actions, and turn them into “good” ones.